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How to punish cheating spouse

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I was sent a screenshot of an online post recently that apparently has made the rounds on Instagram and Facebook. A page on Instagram shared a message from a man who said he had been cheating on his wife and then tried to rape her sister. According to the story, she eventually threw him out of the house (she apparently owned it) and got him suspended by sending a video of him having a threesome to his bosses and colleagues at the office. I was told a lot of people applauded her and I am not doubtful of it.

The man was quite foolish to be honest and has no defence as far as I am concerned. But of course, this is social media and the truth is there is a narrative of men being animals and not worthy of anything good. Add that to the men like this who really are cheaters and cruel and you have other men and women who do not hesitate to point fingers at men, calling them names and applauding anything that leads to their downfall.

I have my doubts about the story being real but even if it is, I do not see her actions as laudable. Many people praising her on Instagram seem quick to forget and ignore that according to her, he had already tried to rape her sister before the latest romp. It is crazy that she did not think it wise to leave him or report him to the police then but got offended when she saw he was still sleeping around and having a threesome. That makes no sense and many people tried to rationalise it, saying she was clearly giving him time to see if he would change.

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I found it ironic that folks who would be quick to constantly state online that if a woman finds her husband raped or tries to rape someone they should divorce him and have him arrested, were now singing another tune. The way the Instagram post brought many supporters was alarming and very disconcerting.

Suddenly it was “understandable” that she said nothing. Suddenly, she must have wanted to give him another chance and see if he would change, and she needed to be respected and not condemned for that. She alluded as much in the post and yet does it make it any less foolish and ridiculous? Many ladies ignored all that and justified it because in the end she disgraced him. Up womanhood, right? Actually no. In this case, it offends and degrades womanhood and humanity in totality to praise this. What this means is that the end justifies the means.

It means that they have no issues with the attempted rape anymore or at all. Whether or not they see it that way does not change what it is. This then implies that had she remained with the man still and the story broke, that would then be acceptable right? And yet as I stated, many of these people would have called her a fool and a useless, wicked witch to be silent over it. Odd world.

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It gets more complicated when you think about it a bit more. What if the shoes were on the other foot? If this had been a man there would be many people abusing him and saying he is a child, immature, foolish, a bastard and whatever else they can think of. These people would say that any man who decides to disgrace online his wife, girlfriend or ex for cheating is not a real man. Some would make up tales, compare the man to whoever they want, even if it has no relevance to the issue at hand and even dare to say that men are cheats themselves and he is only angry that the woman “did her own back.”

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That also makes no sense and yet it is propagated over and again by lots of people online. Basically, we are back to the same old story of how it is bad if a man does it and good if it comes from a woman because of course, women are gods, supreme and special and men are scum, useless, dogs, criminals and perhaps bastards. Misandry in Nigeria is getting worse and worse and social media is a major tool for this. Of course, it’s opposite, misogyny is just as bad and both need to be stamped out for good. Only God knows when that will happen though, if it ever does.

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I have no doubt that this article will not go down well with many. It really does not change the fact that the words here are quite true. I was appalled that a woman decided to do such a thing rather than divorce the man earlier or walk away. Let me reiterate; I have neither defended nor justified his actions. They are condemnable and he should be tried for attempted rape. She however is no heroine. Let’s even look at the job aspect. She claimed to have gotten him the job. So what? Is he still there by virtue of it or his hard work?

If she had been caught cheating and in a threesome, would she and her supporters be alright to have such a video sent to get her suspended and/or fired?

It gets even more interesting. I am an advocate for women handling their marital issues with their spouses. In other words, if he cheats do not take it out on the side chic. She is not to blame ultimately as she did not make the man cheat. It would be the same if the roles were reversed. The spouse is the one who should be dealt with appropriately. Many ladies supporting this woman would say the same and yet while she allegedly sent a video of the two girls having sex with her husband, their parents and work places, it did not matter to them. Why did it not become an issue that she did not “face him alone”? Why was that glossed over? I’ll tell you why. It was because the man was dealt.

If someone cheats on you, understand that you are not forced to remain with them. That is just the simple truth. Leave or stay; your choice. But do not stay and then conceive some cruel way for payback as if it is their fault and do not then go after the person they cheated with, especially when this person may not even have known they were married.

You made the choice to stay – wise or foolish. You may not like what they did and it is wrong obviously, but you do not become right by acts of wickedness.

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